After April we had decided that we wanted to wait before we had another baby – however I was on no contraception and we wasn’t trying in any way to stop getting pregnant….if it happened it happened.
In August 2018 we booked a family holiday for something else to look forward to, so we could spend some quality time with our little family as a three before ryan went back to Uni.
A couple of months later in October I felt ‘funny’ my boobs were sore I just felt weird. I told ryan we needed to do a pregnancy test and he just laughed it off.
I think we was both absolutely petrified of the reality that if we was pregnant again, that all of the previous months that we tried so hard to get through would be happening all over again, That we’d be planting another lot of seeds in our garden and that we would only ever be a family of three.
A few days later we bit the bullet and decided to do a pregnancy test, yes…there it was…two blue lines.
I can’t even remember how I felt at the time, I think I just felt so….lost but excited and so many different emotions.
What would people think? Would people think we’ve just forgotten about the trauma we’ve just endured or will people be happy for us?
I have always been one of those people who really cares what people think, who cares about what people have to say about me..I was so worried about telling people.
As soon as I found out – from that point on I was absolutely dreading going for a wee…every time I would go to the toilet I would think; ‘is this it? Is it going to be today?’ I was so worried i was just going to relive the last few months again.
We went for our 8 week midwife appointment and asked if we could have an early scan to put our minds at ease, to make sure from a professionals point of view that this wasn’t going to happen again, however we just got brushed off as it was a ‘one off’…now I do really wish that we’d have pushed further and kept requesting early scans.
But hey ho, it’s happened now!
We decided that we wanted to ease our minds and pay for a private scan, we again went to our local scan place and saw our happy little baby on screen…I cried buckets…I was so so happy that our baby was ok, it had a heartbeat and was actually okay!
We decided to share the news with our friends and family on our social media and we again got SO much support from everyone…we was not quite 12 weeks but we needed to celebrate our baby!
We finally had our 12 week scan to be told our baby was growing perfectly and our due date would be the 17th of May 2019.
As I sit here and write this I wonder why we get told not to share our news of having a baby before 12 weeks, why shouldn’t we celebrate regardless or not if anything awful happens…your still a parent?! Shout it from the rooftops and if you do have a loss….then you will receive SO much support from people, you can not even imagine.
We was finally blessed with our rainbow baby 🌈💗💙